This Week In Posters: You Haven’t Lived Until You’ve Died

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This week in This Week In Posters, we begin with Austin Found, starring Craig Robinson and… wait, is that Skeet Ulrich under the wrestling mask? He’s the only other male name on there, but that doesn’t really look like him. I guess it’s harder to recognize a Skeet these days, what with all your Scoot McNairys running around watering down the brand. Anyway, I guess it’s about wrestling? Keep Austin weird, the movie? (Sidenote: Any city that stresses about their weirdness level isn’t very weird) I’m getting pageants, wrestling, and perhaps pig farming, because overalls is generally Hollywood shorthand for pig farmer. Time will tell, as they say.

[most posters via IMPA]

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Coming in just under the wire, courtesy of Collider, it’s the poster for Brigsby Bear. I’m biased because I’ve seen it and loved it, but it’s awesome and weird, just like the movie.

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This is a cool poster, but I’ll be honest: when they said “one killer track” about the last song I expected was “Tequila.” Does he drive to cheesy wedding songs? Is “My Sharona” on there? “Gangnam Style?”

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These are the pictures of the people that are in this movie. Good poster, time for lunch. Real talk, I still have no idea what the hell is going on with this movie and whether it’s supposed to be a joke. But it’s Edgar Wright and he’s never let me down before so I give it the benefit of the doubt. Also, the marketing for Scott Pilgrim was terrible, but I loved that movie. It may just be that Edgar Wright’s movies are difficult to convey in a marketing campaign.

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This is the first of a big batch of Baby Driver character posters. Ansel Elgort really does have the skin of a baby. I’d like to upholster my van with it.

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One thing I’m getting from this movie so far is “lots of gently parted lips.”

Also, you want to drive around in a car you can’t afford without a plan? Like that’s your fantasy? Come on, it’s a fantasy! You can’t even fantasize up lots of money and a plan? These damn millennials, I swear to God.

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I hope that this movie is full of terrible puns just like this.

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Jamie Foxx has a gun tattooed on his shooting hand. Okay, I’m starting to sense that this is a comedy.

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I like that haircut, Jon Hamm looks like the coolest guy in my seventh grade class. God damn he’s handsome.

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Do any of the bad guys not have neck tattoos in this?

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Nope, neck tats for everyone. I always forget Jon Bernthal’s name, but I really like him as an actor. That is all.

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This is a really cool poster. Would you believe it’s for Cars 3? It’s almost like the number one goal of the marketing was to make people forget that it was a Cars movie. Not a bad strategy, really.

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This poster for Dim The Fluorescents is interesting because I don’t recognize any of the names or know what it’s about at all, but it feels like it’s trying really hard to give me clues and I’m just not getting it. I kind of like those kinds of campaigns, where you make everyone feel stupid and then position your film as the only solution. “Don’t you want to get it? Everyone else gets it.”

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Once again: lots of sparks is poster code for lots of action. Maybe those are tracers? Anyway, cool poster other than that.

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It took me like five minutes to realize that that was a guy coming out of the surf.

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Here’s another cool one for Dunkirk. Let this be a lesson that you don’t need to tilt the horizon line sideways to get a lot of stuff into a poster.

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I like this straightforward Ferdinand poster (pretty easy to tell what the movie’s about), but do the actors’ names really belong above the title? Kate McKinnon is great, but “John Cena and Kate McKinnon!” just screams “random grab bag of celebrities we could afford!”

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“Built to fight, born to love.” Hey, that’s just like me!

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I absolutely love this new Flatliners poster. I love that they went straight schlock with it. Because let’s be honest, no one wants some cutesy, self-aware remake of Flatliners. Or worse, a self-serious Flatliners. This one is schlock because that’s what we want. “You haven’t lived until you’ve died” is the perfect tagline.

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Does all that food feel somewhat… sexual to you? I mean it’s literally gushing. I do not want Neil DeGrasse Tyson fact-checking my love making, thank you.

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You know, just four girls praying together before a bachelorette party, as people do. The one on the right looks like she just shared something really naughty with God.

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Strong poster for Happy Death Day using the cake theme. I feel like I know everything I need about this movie, and it didn’t have to use floating heads or cheat.

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Nice poster here, but the title already did all the heavy lifting.

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I like that it’s called “The Mountain Between Us” and it seems to be about a literal mountain. They should include some pull quotes. “Richard Roeper gushes, ‘The Mountain Between us is like the reverse Grand Canyon!'”

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“The Nut Job 2: Nutty By Nature.” With a title like that, you’re pretty much required to hire Jeff Dunham.

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So first a mole, now a pug and a Boston terrier… do any of these animals even eat nuts? What is this movie about?

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Does anyone even know what animal this is? No matter. All I can think about is how much I enjoy that Gabriel Iglesias can’t escape his lamest bit.

“Hi, guys, it’s me! Gabriel Iglesias!”

“…Who?”

“Gabriel! Gabriel Iglesias! I’m that comedian, you might remember me from–”

*menacingly this time* “–Who?”

“…”

“Say it.”

“…Fluffy.” (*sighs, looks at feet*) “I’m Fluffy.”

“That’s what I thought, Fluffy. Now why don’t you give us all a taste of that little dance you do.”

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Is this about a pair of animals who do Borscht Belt stand up? Because honestly, I’d watch that. I don’t even care what animals they are.

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Ahhh, she’s got bed bugs! And one of them looks like Cloris Leachman! Not even people named “Cloris” anymore, I always say. Also, Christ, what is that background supposed to be? Remember that horrible Zach Braff movie where his dad saved all his used contact lenses in a mason jar because “it’s everything I ever saw?” This poster background looks like it was shot from inside that mason jar.

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Remember what I said about the sparks? Remember?! They’re in mid-air. Where would the sparks even be coming from here?

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I really don’t understand the tilt shift here. You already have Iron Man making a long diagonal, and that one actually makes sense. Anyway, I’m just glad a superhero movie finally takes place in New York.

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I’m not a huge fan of the giant floating head posters, but I’ll allow it here because it kind of looks like a splitting cell. Also everything about this movie sounds good as hell.

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This War For the Planet of the Apes poster is cool, though once again I feel like I should understand the concept but I don’t. Is this like the the Banksy of apes?